Conversation #1: 

Where you going?

 To the bakery.

 I’ll come.

 No, that’s ok, I’m just going for a bit.

 We’d get there faster.

 It’s right around the corner, not five blocks.

 You never pay attention to me anymore.

 What are you talking about?  We were knocking crotches this morning and this afternoon!

 I saw the way you were looking at that single speed belt drive number.  DON’T LIE TO ME, BITCH!

 Look… it’s not you, it’s me.  You’re wonderful.  I love you. 

 You put me away all winter for that ugly red thing over there. 

 Let’s not bring BigRed into this… it didn’t do anything to you… and I didn’t want you to get all salted up, so I rode BigRed.  Get over it.

 “All salted up”?… you’re just lazy.  You don’t take the time to get me in the mood anymore. 

 Get you in the mood?

 You know, lube me up, make me feel shiny.

 Jesus.  I’m leaving.

 Damn right you’re leaving!  I’m gonna make your rides to work HELL from now on!

 WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

 *pregnant pause* 

 I want to go to the bakery. 

 Fine.  Shit.  I’ll take you. 

 I love you.  Don’t ever leave me. 

 You always guilt me.  I can never walk anywhere anymore. 

 Your legs are mine. 

 You’re getting creepy, Siouxsie. 

 Shut up and ride.