I came upon this article which shows the basic reasons WHY using preferred pronouns is absolutely necessary, no exceptions. Please click through to learn more, I’ve only taken tiny excerpts for a quick read. And after the five WHYs, I’ve included my own five HOWs at the end of this post.
5 Ways Using Correct Gender Pronouns Will Make You a Better Trans Ally
1. Language Shapes Culture
When we use and invent new words to describe people who identify outside of a strict gender binary, we legitimize those ways of being, and participate in the larger struggle for trans* visibility.
2. Respect Others’ Realities
…remember that you do not know more about someone’s gender identity than they do, so it’s not up to you to decide who they are, what to call them, or to make assumptions about their body.
3. Hold the Media Accountable
When you see a news story about a trans* person that uses incorrect and offensive gender identifiers, call them out!
4. Fight Transphobia and Sexism
Being a trans* activist/ally means you’re also working for gender equality.
5. Educate Our Communities
Start an ongoing dialogue with the people around you about the issues facing trans* folks and why it’s so important to use the pronouns they’re asked to use.
5 Reminders about HOW to respect gender pronouns
Here are my own five points for HOW.
Once you accept that pronouns are the absolute least you can do to fight transphobia and promote trans inclusion, you might be in need of some actionable next steps. I do not speak for all trans folks, but these are some things I have learned on my journey. Friends, feel free to comment. I am also here to learn.
1. Take pronoun sharing seriously.
“Please tell us your name and pronouns if you feel comfortable sharing it.” Take it seriously, adhere to the format. Don’t giggle, don’t say “whatever you want to call me/call me mud/anything but late to dinner” (hellooooo, cis privilege), and don’t do anything but LISTEN intently and nod while internalizing people’s preferences. When introducing yourself to someone it’s the same thing. It can be so hard to “come out” over and over again when you are used to people misgendering you, and to have to validate your identity to complete strangers. Taking the situation seriously shows respect and support.
2. “Male” and “female” are sexes, not genders/pronouns.
When someone asks you about pronouns, examples of appropriate answers are… pronouns. That have to do with gender. “Male” is not a pronoun. “Masculine” is not a pronoun. Is it gendered? Socially, yes, but part of not assuming things about gender identity is accepting that any gender can be “masculine,” so this answer is not helpful. Possible answers for “What are your pronouns?” could be, “She/her, they/them, ze/zir, he/him.”
3. Don’t correct people if someone is misgendered.
This sounds weird, right? Misgendering is at the very least insensitive. How is it right to stand by and not say anything?! The rule for me is that other people’s genders are not mine to reveal. What if you embarrass or endanger the misgendered person? What if the misgendered person is going to talk with the offender in private and by speaking up you steal their power? But don’t worry, there are ways to support your friends when they are misgendered. Take them aside and ask, “I heard you were misgendered. Would you like me to talk to that person? In the future, would you like me to speak up, or is there another way I can have your back?”
4. If you make a mistake, acknowledge it and move on.
It is up to you to respect people’s wishes. It is up to you to practice, and to speak about them when they are not there, while using their pronouns. But mistakes happen. Acknowledge it with an, “I’m sorry,” and move on. Being overly apologetic is self-serving because you make yourself feel better while intensely “othering” the person you misgendered. Awkward.
5. Cis folks- Introduce yourself and your pronouns.
Cis folks! When at a meeting or a potluck or a hockey game… start the pronoun ball rolling with your own introduction. Even if you are the only one. ESPECIALLY if you are the only one. It is also a good segue to asking, “Which pronouns do you use?” If cis folks ask you… why did you share that? It is a great opportunity for your elevator speech on how we can’t assume gender, gender is an infinite spectrum, people identify outside of a binary system, and how respecting pronouns is a step toward inclusion and acceptance of trans folks.
Please also check out these Do’s and Don’ts around pronoun etiquette on robot-hugs.