I asked some professionals I work with,
“Why or why don’t you use pronoun introductions in a professional setting?”
I am so happy I started this conversation! I was able to offer up some thoughts and experiences to help people get more comfortable with the practice of using pronouns. I encourage you to start this conversation with the people in your life. I recommend reading more on our Pronoun page, or on this post with ways to respect pronouns. We would also love to hear your thoughts and knowledge on this dynamic topic.
Some people used pronouns in introductions all the time, and felt very comfortable with the practice. Some people needed more information about how to explain that in a languages other than English, or how to answer questions that might come up, or how to deal with people not respecting the process, e.g. “I don’t care what you call me! I never think about gender identity so you can call me ‘mud’ if it makes you happy!” #cisprivilege Another person said they just don’t think about it, and honestly, would never ask/offer in a professional setting.
Pronouns as “unprofessional”
Let’s take a moment to think about what it means to hear, “I will not discuss pronouns in a professional setting.” Hearing this reminded me that, for some people, there is no place for transgender people in professional settings. Basically, any non-cis gender identity is “unprofessional.”
“Professional” is a code for a classist, masculine, patriarchal system. A place where a strict and expensive dress code reinforces the binary where women are expected to wear makeup and have their hair done, men are expected to wear boring suits and a uniform haircut. Women are called “aggressive” and “bitchy” for behavior which might cause a man to be lauded as a “strong leader.” And there is no room in this binary for trans people. This is not news to me. But we can do better by making spaces safer for trans folks.
How do pronouns make safer professional spaces for trans folks?
Pronouns are not the same as gender neutral bathrooms and inclusive bathroom policies. They are not the same as having trans people in well-paid, decision-making positions. They are not policies that protect trans employees from bullying and discrimination. But respecting pronouns is the minimum we can do.
I go to a lot of meetings and I am able to introduce myself over and over in the workgroups, listening circles, councils and boards. And I always share my pronouns. This is in solidarity with my trans friends who are not given space to do so.
This might sound like: Hi, I’m Low, and I use they/them/theirs pronouns.
Out of all of my self-introductions where I have shared my pronouns, it is very rare that anyone else joins in and shares their pronouns. Being the only pronoun-sharer is sometimes difficult. It is sometimes awkward. It can sometimes cause people to ask very insensitive, triggering, and disrespectful questions. Sometimes people scoff, laugh, or completely dismiss what you just disclosed. And that is exactly the reason why I will never stop stating my pronouns in professional spaces. Because if I don’t, there will never be any place for trans folks.
Most times people look at me curiously and keep the introduction circle going, free of any pronoun-sharing. Sometimes I’m an absolute loner. ONCE, a Queer Black Women stood up and said, “I want to do this introduction circle over again, and this time everyone should share their gender pronouns. This is important!” My heart grew three sizes that day.
Making space means learning and growing
Every time I go to an event where I get a blank name tag, I feel excited. There is space for my pronoun! Every time I am asked what pronouns I use, I feel honored. Every time someone uses my pronouns, I feel heard and seen. The least I can do is try to provide that space for others.
Cis Friends, I’m writing this because I want you to start doing this. Make yourself uncomfortable. Leverage your cis privilege for positive change and safer spaces for others. Be intentional. So have this conversation with your coworkers, with your friends, with your family. “Why or why don’t you share pronouns?”
I would love to know why you do or do not use pronouns in your introductions! Do you need more tools in order to feel confident? Do you not understand what it’s all about? Please ask!! This is an invitation to learn and grow together.
Let’s define some terms
PRONOUNS
That’s a fancy word for, “How do you like to be referred to?” As she? As he? As they? (And there are others, too! And it’s okay if you don’t feel comfortable sharing that with me.) Why is it important? Because we all experience gender in different ways, and using someone’s self-identified pronouns is a great way to honor their experience and identity.
If you need a primer on “gender,” check out Gender Unicorn.
“Cis”
Short for “cis gender,” and refers to folks who identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. Genders assigned at birth are related to how hospitals classify babies into two categories, male and female, even though there’s nothing that indicates genitals and gender have anything to do with each other. If a baby is designated “female” is assigned “girl/woman,” and then identifies as a “girl/woman,” then that person is a cis woman.
Cis-privilege
If you are cis, you have cis-privilege! Not sure what that looks like? Check out this privilege checklist.